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Next year, things will turn around. Next year for sure. We just have to hang on until then. Next year.

So what do you do if your existing customer base of geezers and sycophants hates the idea of you selling to a new demographic? If you’re Harley, you keep selling to the old demographic and hope for a miracle.

What is their product?

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The Geezer Brigade starts flinging their walkers about and posting angry diatribes on AOL.

They need new customers or they’re done. Their existing customer base is aging out and, well, dying. Millennials don’t like their motorcycles, but Harley has long been a company that flat-out refuses to change their products to match what people want; they’ve long believed they should make whatever they want to make and people should just buy that.

What happens if they build new bikes?

Why did Cartman love Heidi purely with heart, her being the first one he ever did, but then one day Butters tells him that all women are manipulative and then he began to believe that she was a bad person and pretended to be a victim?

Harley geezers love spreading contempt for smaller, lighter Japanese “rice burners,” after they’ve taken their Geritol and used their walkers to hobble to the front porch for another rousing afternoon of “hey you kids get off my lawn.”

All their existing customers shake their canes and whine about them “selling out.”

What is their lifestyle?

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This…is not a healthy company with a bright future ahead.

What happens if they try to attract new customers?

Harley-Davidson is facing some rather unfortunate demographic realities. If you look at their sales since the 1990s, they’re looking pretty grim:

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They’re terrified to abandon these guys because they know these guys buy their bikes, at least until they go broke buying Trump shoes and NFTs. Millennials think Harley Davidson is a joke, mainly because Harley Davidson is a joke. Gen Z is like “Harley who? You mean the Joker’s girlfriend? Margot Robbie? Yeah, she’s hot.”

Big noisy eyewateringly expensive machines that make senior citizens feel like it’s still 1962.

If Toyota were facing demographics that grim, they’d, you know, change their lineup and try to appeal to new customers.

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Conservative old men who haven’t seen a movie since Dennis Hopper stopped being a leading Hollywood draw.

Whenever they try to get new customers, they risk pissing off the dudes who were born to ride Donald Trump, or at least fellate him.

The demographics for Harley-Davidson are just as grim as their sales figures: the average Harley customer is over 50, and the average age of a registered Harley motorcycle is about 10 years.

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They sell obnoxiously, stupendously overpriced bikes to old white men who wear Donald Trump jackets.

But Harley is trapped. They’re a lifestyle brand, not a motorcycle company. When you look at them as a lifestyle brand rather than a motorcycle company, a lot of things start to make sense.

Typical Harley-Davidson customer

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